As many students head back to school this week and next, I
think of my own school memories. I don’t
remember to many specifics about kindergarten or elementary school. I remember enjoying it, the images of the
school hallways and some of my childhood friends. My years in middle school and high school are
easier for me to remember. I remember certain
people, events, class projects and trips.
There are things that marked that time in my life. A time when I was very uncertain of who I was. When it came time to go to college I had great
aspirations and dreams of what it would be.
These dreams collided with reality upon my arrival and the sheltered
world I had grown up in was shattered.
My parents were older when they had me and my sister – older in the
sense of my Dad was 44 and my Mom was 42.
This is not so uncommon today, but in the 1980’s it made for a very different
upbringing.
When I went away to college I was not stylish; I wore baggy
clothes, my hair pulled back in the proverbial pony tail and didn’t know how to
do makeup. I had gone to private school
my whole life in which you wore a uniform every single day. I didn’t know what was “hip” or
flattering. At this point in my life, I
didn’t put much stock in my appearance nor did I realize that the whole world was
judging every detail of my physical appearance.
I had no real social skills and was oblivious to this fact as well. My college experience was a culture shock. I went to a liberal college after being in a
private Christian school my whole life.
My roommate was so incredibly different from me that I had no idea how
to relate to her. My conservative
Christian values did not mix well with her world view. I had a “not in Kansas anymore” moment at
least once a week. Sometimes I wish that
me that I am now, someone who knows who she is, what she stands for (you know,
the older wiser version of 17 year old me) could go back and tell myself 2
things:
1.
Tell my 17 year old self that it gets better and
that life is amazing at age 29 1/2 and that this experience is going to teach
you more then you realize in of this moment.
2.
PRAY.
Pray for her. That roommate. The one that was an only child who had no
concept of shared space. Pray for the
anger that seemed to rage inside her. Pray
for peace in the midst of conflict. Pray
for wisdom and guidance.
Looking back now I realize there was serious spiritual
warfare going on in that dorm room. As
much as I want to just hate her, for not being kind, for making such snap judgments
of me, for not including me – I know that God allowed her to be in my life for
that season for a purpose. Perhaps to
help me see the peace that he brings to my soul. Perhaps it was to teach me about others, ones
from different upbringings and that not everyone in the world is going to agree
/ like / understand you.
My entire experience at college was not all bad. I learned a lot about people, personalities,
myself – my sheltered world was shattered, but it allowed me to see what was
out there. To see the hurt that was in
the world. To help me understand more
fully the mighty power and sovereign grace of God. Through my darkest days there, He was with
me. He allowed me to walk through
difficulties in life so that I may learn.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t learn or realize these things in and of any
of the moments in that dorm. In that
dorm I was hurt and angry and confused.
Some days now when I think back to that time in my life I am still hurt
and angry. Things did not go the way
they were “supposed” to. My plans did
not pan out. Silly me, God’s plans are
better than ANYTHING I could have every dreamed of. Here I am now with a good job, a nice home, an
amazing husband, an awesome son, friends and family who actually care about me,
my day, my life. I am surrounded by
people who encourage me, lift me up in prayer, help me focus on God and what’s truly
important. For this, I say Thank You.
