Little Fishy - June 2012

We introduced Alex to the POOL for the first time this month.  He reacted as we expected - with a big GRIN.  For a boy who loves his bath so much he gets upset when you take him out - I have a feeling he'll be living in the pool this summer! 

Alex - 1st Carnival

As the warm weather has taken up residence, we are doing our best to enjoy all that it has to offer.  This time last year Alex was still snug-as-a-bug inside me and we were anxiously awaiting his impending arrival.  As we walked around the carnival at a local church last year, we talked about how much fun it would be the next year with a little one.  We had a wonderful time taking Alex to that same carnival this year.
 
He was a little sober when we arrived, it was alot to take in; but he quickly warmed up. 

He had fun playing PLINKO (the homemade version of the Price Is Right game) and pick a duck (he LOVES rubber duckies). 





The first of many yearly visits to the St. Stephen's Carnival.  I hope that Alex's childhood is filled with lots of good memories of this carnival in the years to come.  I am someone who loves tradition, certain things to look forward to year after year.  I hope this tradition will soon become on of Alex's favorites!



Strength

As a mom who works full time outside of the home I find myself coming home after being gone for 12 hours (I leave at 7 am, drop off my son, work, pick up my son, arrive home around 7pm) and I look around and am overwhelmed. 

The laundry is piled up, the dishes in the sink need to go into the dishwasher, but the clean ones need to come out first.  You know what I mean, you get the visual.  I know that I am not alone in this.  Every other mom in the world has the same laundry and dishes.

 I laugh when people say "I don't know how you do it, do it all".  I'm not sure what "all" they think I"m doing.  I'm going to work, making a living so that I can provide for my family.  I am spending the 2 hours at night my son is awake before bedtime playing with him and enjoying his presence.  I am running the dishwasher and washer & dryer in cycles in the evenings and swap them in the morning.  I am doing whatever it takes, what every other mom does.

Needless to say when I was little and I dreamed of a family, this is not what I had in mind.  I had the white pickett fence, stay at home mom, clean manicured home, dinner on the table at 5 pm, perfect little world idea (think Bree Van de Camp minus the crazy).  It wasn't that I was raised in Stepford Wives world, I simply thought in my head that was what it would be like. 

Don't get me wrong, it takes alot.  I juggle my time and prioritize.  I decide what's worth my time and what isn't.  I get overwhelmed by it all.  At the end of the day, if you showed me 10 years ago that this would be my life I wouldn't have believed you.  I would have thought "I can't do that".  I have found a strength within that I am daily amazed by. 

God knows my capacity, and He will not give me more then I can handle.  He knows what I can handle, better then I could ever dream or imagine.  He knows how strong I am.  My strength has been tested alot in the last 4 years, but I stand firm in the fact that God is and always will be my ROCK, my FORTRESS, my EVER PRESENT HELP. 

With this I encourage you, you are not alone.  You are stronger then you know.  You are an AWESOME creation of God and He doesn't make mistakes. 

A Daughter's Heart

Father’s Day 2010 I took my Dad to breakfast at Bob Evans to celebrate.  It had only been a few weeks, not even a month, since he had told me about his cancer diagnosis.  He was optimistic, cheerful, his usual self.  He got the biggest breakfast platter on the menu and drank a whole pot of coffee.  Since I was treating, he ordered it all the fixings…that was just Dad, being Dad. 

When we parted ways that day I whispered in his ear, “maybe by next Father’s Day you’ll be a Grand Dad again” (my sister has a son).  To this he grinned ear to ear and his excitement could not be contained.

God had other plans though; on November 9, 2010 he went to be with Jesus and walked through the pearly gates of heaven.  It was the day after my 2^nd wedding anniversary.

December 18, 2010, I found out I was pregnant.  There is a saying, I don’t know it’s origin, that felt so poignant on that day: “As one life ends, another begins…”.  In my soul I knew it was a boy, that’s just the way the world / life / fate works.   My prediction would be proven true on March 30, 2011, the day that would have been Dad’s 72^nd birthday.

Father’s Day 2011 was a tough one.  Knowing that my son (who would be born that August) would never meet my Dad was heartbreaking.  Dad loved kids.  He was that cute old guy in the store that smiled at the kids and made silly faces at them to make them giggle while waiting in the checkout line.  He was a big kid himself at times. 

As I face Father’s Day this year, I look at Alex in his 10 month old glory and it is bittersweet.  I am so amazed at this little guy that is growing and developing before my very eyes.  He has such a strong will and a personality his very own.  He is inquisitive, clever and fearless.  His giggles are infectious and he is rarely without a smile plastered across his face.  I hate that Dad didn’t get to meet him, see his smile, hear him laugh, watch him grow. 

In the midst of my grief and sadness, God has given me joy.  In the midst of my pain, he comforted me.  Alex is God’s soothing balm for my soul.  God knew I needed a little boy to help me heal.  He knew the profound effect this little man would have on my life and how much joy and pride he would bring to me.  Oh how I look forward to the days, months and years to come as I continue to watch him grow, learn and become the man God has ordained him to be. 

I find myself repeating Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die…”.  I am thankful that Dad is no longer in pain.  I am thankful for the 71 years 7 months and 9 days that he spent on this earth. I am thankful that he was such a permeating presence in my life for 27 years, 18 days.  I am and will forever be, his little girl.

Happy Father’s Day Dad, I love you.